I am back in that mess; I will see, something has to change. The place has to change, or it won't happen. Some uncle told me yesterday; you are not going to live forever when i look at you.
When i was at Holumba heaven, I new observation obsession that i have attained. Everything is outside. Some shady things are happening close by to the monastery.
Do you know what you are doing? What kind of people are you attracting? When these guys are there, I am talking to Poonam; the dimension changes, from unadulterated joy to drunk sadness.
I didn't particularly appreciate when this Police guy touched me, I am presenting him humble man, but I am angry inside. Before this uncle arrival, I was a lover and flirting with Poonam. As the sunset, the whole env has changed.
I am writing; in my background, everyone is trying to come close to me. As chaos evolves, it has overpowered me since the feminine presence is lost; that's what i believe.
It's a lie that alcohol is healing, sometimes i tell myself. I will demolish that. I am super tired, even though i slept last night.
What happened to you? Why are you tired? Is it taking a toll? I have an idea, but temptation lies all along.
Wisdom is to understand the trap. What is your plan, I asked? The program is to write and finish my duty. I think you should not treat this as a duty. I think this reward system that you have created for yourself is not worth it. The body energies want to release; in a way, the same idea applies. I am trying to escape.
When I am self-conscious, my creativity stops. It's a vicious cycle, otherwise pretending the realisation. I am getting drown in it.
It's like, the mind is saying this, I jokingly say to myself, It's a license i give to myself to indulge in dissipation. I will break it into two to three days.
Circumstances showed me yesterday that I am going to die. When you questioned me that, I was doing those things at those days, full of contradiction.
In so many words, I am damaging myself, and I am advising others of some borrowed energy. Nothing is satisfying me, rather
Some level of comfort was sought. Impatience, I explained simultaneously, I would not have done that, and yet that is what i did.