Sarvotam is saam

A friend called me the other day, and I recorded our conversation. He sounded lost and overwhelmed, caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. He felt as if he were drowning in chaos, and he needed to make a change.

He started by telling me about a recent trip to Holumba Heaven, where he developed an obsession with observing everything around him. He noticed some shady things happening near the monastery and questioned the type of people he was attracting into his life.

While there, he met a girl named Poonam. At first, they shared moments of unadulterated joy, but when a group of questionable guys entered the scene, the mood shifted to one of drunken sadness. My friend was particularly upset when a police officer touched him – outwardly, he was humble, but inside, he seethed with anger.

As the sun set, he described the environment changing. He began writing, but felt overwhelmed by the people around him, trying to get close. He believed the chaos had taken over because the feminine presence was lost.

He mentioned his conflicted feelings about alcohol, recognizing that it could be destructive, yet still feeling the urge to drink. He was tired, and I asked him why. He talked about temptation and the trap of falling into old habits.

He shared his plan to write and complete his "duty," but I suggested that he not think of it as such. I told him the reward system he had created for himself was not worth it. He admitted that he was trying to escape.

My friend acknowledged that when he became self-conscious, his creativity stopped. It was a vicious cycle, and he felt as if he were drowning in it. He said that his mind would justify these moments of weakness, allowing himself to indulge in dissipation.

He talked about a recent encounter that reminded him of his mortality. He realized that he was full of contradictions and that he was damaging himself while giving others advice based on borrowed energy. He sought comfort, but it eluded him.

He reflected on his impatience and actions that he would not have done under different circumstances. It was a conversation filled with self-examination and the desire to break free from the chaos within.